To Be With
When I was very young there was a famous singer in the American charts called Jim Reeves. One of his songs was “Welcome to my World”. That world of his was not such a good place. Yep, it was the usual, girl gone, future wrecked, dreams dashed, plans shattered,and love lost. Uplifting isn’t it ?
Leave me alone please. I am alright in my own world, thanks very much.
But in counselling that’s what we do. We walk into each others worlds. Sometimes its a sore experience. We get in there and “be” with the person. At least we try. Or at least we should make the effort to try. If we don’t do that how can we counsel?
We Irish often punctuate our conversation with the encouraging expression “I know” peppered through our verbal exchanges. But do we?
Do we know the world of a woman betrayed and going through a separation? Do we know the world of a man faced with redundancy and no prospect of employment in the autumn of his life? Do we know the world of the abuse victim who has had the horror bottled up for thirty years? Do we know the anguish of the Catholic priest who loves both his girlfriend and his ministry? Do we know , ... really?
Let’s bring it closer to home. Do we really know ourselves? Ok, more precisely, do you know you?? Are you sure?? Ok, let’s see, how come you are hurt when someone says something quite bluntly to you, especially when it contains a large grain of truth. But she shouldn’t have said it, at least not that way!
Is that a window into your personal unknown? Are you afraid of a dark place, a closed door or the Eifel Tower? Why?
Your world is a mystery not only to me, but to you too.
I suppose a good healthy sexual relationship is partly an exploration of another’s world. Its physical, spiritual and emotional. Its many other things besides, for example, its healing and expressive. The list goes on. If it is not, then it lacks a quality of” humanness” and moves into another order of being. Into the exploitative. It is, to borrow Mother Teresa’s phrase, something beautiful for God, for Me and for You. It is to be able to say “I love you”, to be “I love you”, to understand “I love You”, to become “I love You” .
To love is to be. Those who have not are in another place, not in my world. Deus caritas est.
And I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. Only to be with You. ...U2